just wanted to know

what does it feel like to have someone in your life that cares enough to know when you are having a bad day. it's been a hard week. a really hard week. my only solace is the 3 other beings in this house with 4 legs. sorry, small pity party, so bitter party of one would be so appropriate.

like a public secret diary

you have to know it's there to be able to see it and no one knows about this. so really it's just for me. I'm so close to buying a house I can't hold it in anymore. I just need one more phone call and the ball will really start rolling. I, by my self, will be buying a house. Something I didn't think would I would ever have. As a kid, I was very serious, and some say I haven't gotten over it. I know that my ex will say he is paying for the house, as this is what we said about his ex and the support that was going her way when we were married. The only thing is she never worked, I have worked for over 30 years. It was my down payment that bought our house in Texas and my income that made the bills the first few years that we were married. His support was almost 80% of his income. It was my working my butt off, that I earned us being able to afford the things that we had in the first many years of our marriage. I worked, and yes at the end of the marriage he was doing very well, and i was a mess because of him. I put up with his schedule, his way of doing things and so much more. This is my house and he has nothing to do with it. We are almost at the end of the divorce settlement, we both can't wait for it to be over. He will have the house that was our dream, the perfect property, and an income that is way beyond even what he thought. I will have a small home that is mine. Notice the difference, I will have a home, he will have a house. It was almost 20 years of my life. Now it's time for me to have a home, and watch my Jordan grow up, watch her welcome her siblings into her little world. Life is good. I was calm all day today. I can not remember feeling this way for a whole day, EVER. It's a great day.

today was hard

not putting my best face forward, it's hard. i'm bored today. i wonder if i'm doing the right thing. am i good enough. am i really up to the challenge. is this or was this just an escape for a while. am i fearful of re-entering the real world. is the answer to all of the questions, yes. i don't know right now.

i need to get ahold of myself, really.

i feel like i have been abandoned by the world. but is it really just me? or is there some kind of basis for it. or so i make things so much bigger than they are.

i don't know

it's amazing how many there are

just thought i would write this one for me